At work, I fidget, I surf the web, I start a report, I start another report, I
get up to stretch, I sit back down and check my phone, I'm back up to walk, I'm
back to start another project, I decide to clean up my desk, I'm back to surfing
Flickr, I decide to fill out my calendar. I can't focus on anything and I can't
complete a task to save my life. I desperately want to be somewhere else, doing
something different, and I couldn't tell you what that might be.
Let's be
honest. I don't care about work right now. I don't care about this client's
permit or that client's report. I'm not interested in reading gobs of
regulations to prepare a proposal. I feel a slight panic when I think about
studying for the PE, but I don't really care about that either, even though I
know I'll regret it in April. I should at least be using my time to study for
the deposition that was recently moved up to March 16th, but guess what? I don't
particularly give a shit.
THIS IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME.
I said before
that it's harder this second time. That was at the beginning, in the immediate
aftermath. Now I'm starting to realize just how difficult the next few weeks and
months really could be. It's only been a week, I know, but I feel so much more
beaten down than the first time. I haven't had time to work through the things I
need to. I haven't had the space to sort out how I feel or to come to terms with
it. I took my three days off, and now I'm supposed to be the good little
productive engineer, but I just can't do it this time.
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