Daycare Lady: "Hi, it's not an emergency, but we're calling to let you know your child broke out in a rash from the Cool Whip."
Me: "The...Cool Whip."
DCL: "It's not bad, he just has red splotches all over his face. They're already fading."
Me: "Wait, Cool Whip?"
DCL: "Well, yes. You can come check him out, if you want."
Me: "Lady, you're telling me the most nommable baby in the universe is covered in a delicious whipped topping. If I come over there, I MIGHT EAT HIM."
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